Advice

Hi everyone. I know I’ve been gone for a really really really really long time. I know my posts aren’t exactly that super to begin with and I know I hardly ever post anywhere near frequently. I don’t know what to do.

1. It bothers me that my blog has no unifying theme and/or coherency. It’s basically just a shit show of whatever I think of that day.

2. Nobody knows about this blog, but I feel that between the pictures I’ve posted and my username almost anyone I know that could so happen to stumble across it in the wide wide internet would immediately know it’s me.

3. I don’t know how I feel about the pictures I have posted on here. One they’re not that good, because I didn’t want them to be “too good” if you know what I mean. And two, do I really want to be that kind of girl that attention posts pics just for the views? I dunno.

4. I really like talking to all of you and I hope you guys continue to email me and just chat. I always reply super fast and I love having different conversations about anything really.

I’m just kind of confused about what I should do. I won’t outright delete my account, because I do use it to comment on other peoples blogs, but maybe I’ll just delete the photos I posted. I’m not sure.

And to end it a little less introspectively,

Ahahaha, cracks me up everytime.

Don’t look at me

Oh the shame! I can’t believe it’s been a WHOLE MONTH since I last did a post. Oh my god, I’m terrible! Honestly, I doubt anyone will even look at this post. They’ll all be like, who’s this? did I subscribe to this blog? utter confusion will ensue.

Here’s some of the things that have been on my mind:

1. Perhaps it’s because my only exposure to American politics is from watching The Daily Show every night before bed, but I’ve come to the distinct conclusion that Republicans are not very bright. I mean honestly, we all know the hoopla going on with Mitt and Newt (possibly two of the stupidest names ever). Not to mention the other Republican candidates that are there floating in the background somewhere still (and the ones that slunk into the oblivion, Hermann Cain I’m looking at you… what the fuck nuts were you thinking?). I’ve come to the conclusion that all Republicans need a filter. Who the fuck lets these people go to debates and into public and say the things they say? They are inarticulate, they ramble, the subject us to reminiscing about songs that we give no fucks about. Granted, it makes for great comedy fodder, but in me (as a Canadian even) none of them are instilling great confidence and pride as a potential next president. Actually, I spend the majority of my time shaking my head and wondering if they are for real.

2. Searching for an apartment is hard. If anyone has any tips or tricks, please enlighten me. It’s a bitch searching the same websites day after day and only getting a few new results. I’ve come to a point where I can recognize the same shitty listing being re-posted week after week just from the description in the search results “BEAUTIFUL 2 BDRM/2BATH CLOSE TO EVERYTHING, AMAZING PRICE!!!!!!!” Obviously must not be that great, because this is the fourth week it’s been on here and you’ve lowered the price by a whopping $50. It’s obviously a hell hole. I saw one that said, “FRESHLY PAINTED” in the description. You know what that makes me think? Freshly painted over blood spatter from the murder that went on here!! I trust no apartment descriptions.

3. Cost of living raises suck. They are just enough to get you excited at the word, “raise” but not enough to actually help with anything. It’s so little that I bet if they didn’t tell you they’d given it to you, you wouldn’t even notice it there. I don’t live in the city I work in. In fact I work over 45 minutes away from where I live. That translates to over an hour and half of commuting (in good traffic) every. single. day. By the time I pay for car insurance to travel the extra distance to work, or pay to take the bus I’m pretty much screwed. Woo hoo! 

4. My New Years resolutions are going surprisingly better than I anticipated. I purposely chose very small resolutions to go with this year. I figured, if I can’t accomplish these, there’s pretty much no hope for improving ever. I found that half the battle is just realizing that a New Years resolution is meant to take place over the whole year. It’s not a New First Eight Days of January resolution. It won’t happen instantaneously and you’ll probably fuck up once, twice, or three times. But that’s okay, just pick shit up where you dropped it and continue on.

5. Fan fictions suck. Period. They’re drawn out, self-absorbed balls of flaming crap. Don’t read them.

6. I’m going to Vegas this year for my birthday. Have you been? Did you like it? Where did you go? Tell me everything!

P.s. I swear I’m submitting to theChive this week. Promise.

Oh the humanity!

I’m going to share two photos with you that I took myself, around my lovely town, that are shining examples of a good reason to say, “Oh God, why!? oh, the humanity!!” In your best dramatic voice.

Offender #1: Skinny Leg Sweatpants Guy

Yup, you read that right. Skinny. Leg. Sweatpants. Let that visual sink in. I’m not referring to a skinny person wearing sweatpants. What I’m talking about is sweatpants being worn for FASHION. As a STYLE. We all know sweatpants have some how made the progression from couch/house attire to grocery shopping/fine dining attire. Especially if you live in my town you will see pajama pants, sweatpants, and plaid work shirts worn every day as acceptable attire in ANY situation.

I give you Exhibit A

I would like to know at what point baggy ass pants that make you look like there’s enough room for adult diapers in your pants and elastic cuffed bottoms became accepted in public. I would also like to know what dumb ass designer decided that skinny leg sweatpants was exactly what this world needed.

Offender #2: Can’t wait for the liquor store to open Guy

Well, this guy is a real gem as well. Maybe it’s just the small town feel around here. We’re right in between a growing city and the back ass country woods. Maybe a few unrefined people slipped through the cracks. But this guy, riding a scooter, was out front the closed liquor store waiting for it to open… at 8:00am. On a Tuesday. The liquor store didn’t open until 10:00. Yup. This guy needs it THAT BAD. Also, may I add that it was raining and fricking cold outside. How desperate are you buddy?! Wouldn’t it be easier to wait at home and then putt your ass down there once the store is actually open? Also, pretty sure he’s fallen asleep.

And I give you Exhibit B

I digress.

Here are some other lovely photos I took myself:

This little skull was spray-painted onto the side of a building where I live. He looks like he's very sad.

I took this in my yard AGES ago. Such a beautiful day for photography. I have tons of pics from this day.

This is a log at a campground we go to every year. I just noticed this today but the slight angle on this picture makes me feel like I'm falling when I look at this photo.

And this is the side of an old building in Greenwood, the smallest town in BC. I want to re-take this photo, as I would clean up the edges a bit more in the frame.

 

What shining examples of humanity have you seen where you live?

Belated Christmas Surprise

So, I realized today that I haven’t posted in a million days and I’m sorry! I had all these great intentions to post this on Christmas morning, but then that whole Christmas thing happened and I kind of forgot about it. So! In the mean time take this photo as a distraction while I conjure up a sweet awesome post to give you guys.

I hope you all had incredible Christmases, please comment and tell me what you got, what your ridiculous family members did this year, or the horrible gift your second cousin got you.

You know what really chaps my hide?

1. People that already have their Christmas shopping done. Well, good for you! Aren’t you a superstar. It warms my heart to see you post your status on Facebook about how everyone was high fiving you in the store because you finished your shopping on December 5th. While you’re busy kicking back and drinking egg nog the rest of us will be over here pondering whether the dancing Santa or the reindeer tie is better for that cousin we don’t really like, but have to invite to Christmas anyways.

2. People that cannot stop talking about themselves. Ever. We all know someone like this. No matter what direction the conversation is heading they have a not so subtle skill for always bringing it right back around to them. And it’s almost always guaranteed to be awkward information that no one needs to know.

John: “Hey guys, are you looking forward to the Christmas party next week?”

George: “Oh yeah, it’s going to be great, it’s on a boat this year –”

Attention whore: “Hey speaking of boats, my Dad had one. A really nice one. He was a controlling, horrible, terrible, father. *proceeds to tell you every detail of their damaged childhood*

John and George: *Stunned, awkward silence*

3. Small talk. Ahh, one of the most annoying of them all. You don’t care about what you’re talking about, but you say it anyways just to keep some semblance of a conversation rolling. “Looks a little cloudy out there today”, “Couldn’t believe all the frost I had to scrape off the car this morning”, “Gee, this month has flown by!” They’re all inane, useless, obvious as shit factoids. But we can’t help but mention them anyways. “Holy, is the sun ever bright!”

Things that don’t chap my hide:

1. Impersonating people on the phone. I love when you gotta call phone companies or other service providers and they insist on only talking to the “account holder” or “authorized users”. Fuck that. I called all the time and just pretended to be my parents or friends. Most security questions are a joke. Birthday? Got it. Postal code? Boom. Pet’s name? Please! I even called my friends bank for her and got her service changed because they were dicking her around. So I called and did a little yelling. Like a fucking pro.

2. Making theChive. I’ll be submitting next week, so hopefully I get in!

I has award!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYHFVSBFGBDALGFABLAAAAAA!!

Okay, now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, I can tell you all that my prestigious friends over at Reasonably Ludicrous have bestowed upon me the righteous and noble award of…

Which as we all know, means that I pretty much just won the internet.

So here goes the 9.89 things about myself that I must share with the world in order to claim my prize. And then I will commence my reign of the netz. The first order of business, bacon for everyone! All the time!

1. I’m a nice person, I swear. But as soon as I get behind the wheel of a car, I hate all people. Doesn’t matter who you are, you. are. a. terrible. driver. I constantly yell and talk to people from inside my vehicle and I refer to people as whatever model of car they’re driving. “Altima!! Why you do this to me? You couldn’t have put your signal on BEFORE deciding to turn left at the last second?! Now I’m too close behind you and can’t pull into the other lane!! *head explodes*”

2. When I’ve been drinking I have a tiny tendency to “borrow” things from wherever I happen to be. It’s not because I need it, or even want it, it’s more like just to see if anyone notices. I wake up the next morning and find the prizes of my night before in my purse. Most recently a cue ball from the pool table of the bar I was at (which I returned the next day) and a pair of those sunglasses that have bars instead of lenses, from a Hallowe’en party. I snuck those out under my friends top hat, which proved to be an excellent hiding spot.

3. I like to trash talk at parties. A lot.

4. I love to cook. I think of recipes as more of guidelines, rather than strict rules to be adhered to (I know, I’m a rebel) and also, Boyfriend and I make wicked Epic Nachos. There’s a secret ingredient, it starts with “b” and ends with “acon” and it makes everything better.

5. As of authoring this post I have 90 views, which thanks to the handy dandy humanize feature on the stats page, I know that that’s about the same number of households in Hopewell, Bedford County, Pennsylvania. Also, it happens to be my most views ever, yay!

6. I went to Europe when I was in grade 12 and I most certainly did not take small pieces of rock from a very old, very important archaeological site.

7. I LOVE going to the movies. Boyfriend and I see at least 4 movies a month, if not more. Feel free to talk to me anytime about movies We’ll have a conversation. Also, I positively love Lord of the Rings. I’ll geek out over that anytime. (btw, love the Orc and Uruk Hai reference Russ)

8. I’m 6’0″ tall. And I love to wear high heels.

9. 89. I have a scar on my leg from mooning my friends from a moving vehicle.  As all good stories go, I was drunk (my sober friend was driving) and I decided I absolutely had to moon my friends in the next car. So I threw the seat all the way back into full recline, scrambled into the back seat, and mooned away. Then I slipped and the spring sticking out of the back of the driver’s seat gouged into my leg. And of course I didn’t notice until we got back and all my friends told me I had a river of blood coming out of my knee.

Ahh, good times.

So, I’m supposed to pass this award on to 9.89 other blogs that I deem worthy, but the problem is that I just did a post recommending all the blogs that I definitely would and will give this award to. So, to all the people that I already linked to, I’m about to link to you again, but this time you must give us 9.89 answers about yourself

Winners of the You Are Good At Telling Me About Yourself (I Presume, and Hopefully Your Post About This Award Won’t Make a Liar Out of Me)x9.89” Award:

#1. LiveNerdDieRepeat

#2.  Pithy Pants

#3. Oh my Words!

#4.  Peas and Cougars

#5. The Snarkist

#6. Boggleton Drive (I know Sam and Russ already awarded him, but I gotta do a special shout out, since he’s from Van too.)

Well, I don’t really have any more blogs to award this too that don’t already have it. So I’m just going to stop the Redundancy Department of Redundancy right there at #6.

This is an awesome Friday! Wooo!! Now, if ya’ll don’t mind I’m going to go off on the rest of my day and act ever so slightly pompous and above everyone, because I’ll know that I’ve received an award today and they haven’t.

I'll be full of extra swagger all day

Blogs and websites that you should absolutely be wasting time on

Hello internet dwellers

Here is my list of blogs and websites that I spend my time on and I feel I should share the awesomeness and hilarity with you all. Don’t say I never do anything for you…

(Also, I’m going to try and list these somewhat in the order that I check most frequently, but it’s not an official ranking.)

WordPress Blogs:

1. Reasonably Ludicrous Sam and Russ are a freaking hilarious combo. If you’re not already checking this blog, you don’t know what you’re missing out on. One is the brains behind the awesome posts and the other provides the best original artwork to go along with it. I crack up every time I read these guys. I was laughing so hard I cried when I read their Hallowe’en post. They’re gonna be huge.

2. LiveNerdDieRepeat I also just recently discovered this guy and he makes me laugh. From the werebeaver to Tom Collins, you won’t find anything quite like him on the internetz.

3. Pithy Pants Her posts are usually about random shit that has happened to her and accounts of witnessing other people doing things that make you go, “really?! people do that?” Very witty.

4. Oh my Words! She is one of the best blogs I’ve come across from randomly clicking on people’s comments. Slightly crazy and straight amazing, you should definitely check her out.

5. The Problem with Young People Today Don is hands down one of the best blogs on the internet today. The blog is him exclusively bitching about young people today and it’s spot on everytime. He’s got a great sarcastic and dry sense of humor. Always a great read.

6. Peas and Cougars This is definitely a new favourite of mine. Her cartoons are hilarious. You should go click on her right now. Go, I’ll wait.

7.  The Snarkist I’ve only very recently discovered The Snarkist, but so far I like what I’ve read. I won’t say too much, because I feel like I haven’t read enough to be an authority on it, so click for yourself.

8. TheChive I’d like to preface this by saying that I check theChive absolutely everyday. It’s probably the best site in the world. But I listed it almost last because it’s not exactly a small site anymore. It’s blown up hugely and it’s already got tons of loyal loyal followers. So they don’t exactly need my help to show a few more people the glorious Chive light. But seriously, if you don’t already Chive you need to. Especially if you’re a guy. There’s hot chicks, everyday. Randomness, hilarity, animals, idiots, and ‘Merica. This is one link you will never regret.

9. Hyperbole and a Half This site gets a special mention. Even though it’s not wordpress, it’s fucking hilarious. I literally cry with laughter when I read her posts. I could go on, but I’ll just say this blog is genius. The first post of hers I ever read was about her Simple Dog and I just about pissed my pants, it’s amazing.

Other Sites:

1. Collegehumor Weekly posts of reader submissions about hilarious dating stories, roommate pranks, technologically impaired relatives, and fighting the law. Lots of other original videos, parodies, and handy dandy flow charts and graphs to guide you through college years. Also, Dorkly is great too.

2. Damnyouautocorrect! All ridiculous reader submissions of stupid ass things their auto corrects have spit out.

3. Textsfromlastnight More reader submissions. All hilarious, random, weird ass texts people have sent whilst being drunk off their asses.

4. Mental Floss Great for killing time. This site is full of random quizzes, links, factoids, and any other trivial matter you can imagine.

 

And now that I’ve (hopefully) effectively stolen all your free time today, have fun! Mwahaha, productivity? What is this thing you speak of?

Let me know which ones you checked out, did you like them?

What websites do you waste all your time on?